We Simply Live...

2008-01-01T03:08:00.000+08:00

The old must go, in order to make space for the new.

What I mean to say is, this blog entry will be the last,
to mark the end of 2007...

Happy New Year!

Mommy Stickbabe

2007-10-01T02:06:00.000+08:00

I'm deliriously happy. And I started a new blog for my hobbies.
Ecclesias is so much easier to look after now, and so that leaves me more time for what I want to do. I must say, though, my life is fully occupied now.

Please visit www.missbabelicious.blogspot.com!

The template looks like this one because I love this template alot.

Love,
Stickbabe

Notime

2007-06-11T04:28:00.000+08:00

I've no time to update this blog, since I'm busy updating another one(http://ecclesias.blogspot.com) - the subject which is my main preoccupation right now.

Check back in 6 months, after which I'll have graduated (or not) with Advanced Dip in Makeup and Hairstyling.

:-)

FOCUS

2007-05-17T16:04:00.000+08:00

TELL ME! With this cute little bundle of joy, how can I remain miserable at the demands of motherhood?!

Yet I am. I am sick of my confinement food. I can name the dishes here, but I am so sick just thinking of them.

I miss vegetables. I would kill for some bak choy now. Unfortunately, the ants of the neighbourhood bear the brunt of my frustration.

I am also aghast at my blatant use of Singlish in my Parentese. "Don't cry lah!" "What happen?"

"Mummy here lah."

Confinement. Drives me crazy. Makes me think too much. I am just glad I was born in a century whereby mothers-in-law cannot prevent you from bathing.

2007-05-09T00:17:00.000+08:00

I am adding this song "I am COW" by Arrogant Worms to my repetoire of baby lullabies. It'll entertain us both when I'm breastfeeding my baby.

I am cow hear me moo
I weigh twice as much as you
And I look good on the barbecue
Yogurt, curd, cream cheese, and
butter's made from liquid from my udders
I am cow, I am cow, hear me moo!

I am cow, eating grass
methane gas comes out my ass
and out my muzzle when I belch
o the ozone layer is thinner
from the outcome of my dinner
I am cow, I am cow, I've got gas

I am cow, here I stand
far and wide upon this land
and I am living everywhere
from B.C. to Newfoundland
You can squeeze my teats by hand
I am cow, I am cow, I am cowI am cow, I am cow, I am cow!

birth

2007-04-30T13:27:00.000+08:00

My baby boy Ecclesias was born on 17 Apr 2007.
Details of birth as follows:-

0530 - Woken up when water bag burst.
0600 - On taxi to TMC.
0630 - Arrived and registered in TMC (no pain)
1130 - Gynae arrived, told her no pain. She suggested to induce. Otherwise, I'll have to remain there till the following day. :(
1200 - The pain increased by leaps and bounds.
1440 - Wheeled into labour room, writhing. I used laughing gas and asked for pethidine injection. But but but the pethidine took a long time in coming, so not sure if it helped at all.
1513 - Baby popped out.

Popping soon

2007-04-12T18:43:00.000+08:00

In a matter of days or weeks, I'll pop and out will come Baby Ecclesias.
I can't wait.
I can't wait.
I can't wait.
I can't wait.
I can't wait.
I can't wait.

:-)

new direction

2007-02-01T21:45:00.000+08:00

This shall be my last blog entry for some time. Then, this blog will also undergo numerous changes. There's also a slim chance I may close it down.

For one, I will not be putting up any personal entries about my life and thoughts. In the past, this 'outlet' has proved valuable when I was going through a very confused and painful period of life. It is a double-edged sword - for this outlet dampened the need to reach out for the support of those who are truly near.

Secondly, a lot of stuff posted are really my own opinion on things. If one really wanted to know my opinion on things, they can meet me face-to-face. I also don't measure my days by what I do, so keeping an online diary is getting redundant by the moment.

At this point, I want to say that I hope to keep up this online presence if all goes well. The new blog entries will be mostly about things catching my interest, my creations and so on...

I can't really tell what'll happen, because I'm still very unsure about my next few months. I do, however, know what I am looking for in my new role as a mom so I am looking out for a good fit for my new lifestyle among financial planning companies. That way I wouldn't have to leave the financial industry.

Although I have expressed a desire to return to teaching, I am hesitant because I still see myself leaving for the same reasons that I left 2 years ago. Until that is resolved, I won't return to a full-time position.

I do hope to acquire a new skill in the area of bridal make-up and earn another avenue of income through my skill. Perhaps that'll be when this blog will re-open again.

Till then, thanks for visiting and reading this blog. All the best to whoever you are and whatever you are doing.

Reports

2007-01-29T16:14:00.000+08:00

Ate some fake cod fish that was reported over the news a few days ago. Thankfully, I did not experience any side effects.

It is awkward when mere acquaintances reach out and pat my big tummy uninvited. As usual, little Ecclesias does not respond.

Early one morning, little Ecclesias and I became conscious of each other. He kicked at my ribs regularly and stopped as abruptly as he begun. I tapped and stopped. He then kicked again and stopped. I tapped and stopped. He then kicked and stopped. It went on and on. I stopped tapping and he stopped kicking for a long while. Probably he did not know me as a 'person' but responded to the pattern.

It felt like what I imagined would be the first contact between a human and an alien life form.

Yawn. Nothing to blog. Going for a Marriott talk later.

Stickman's new calendar

2007-01-16T14:53:00.000+08:00

A calendar with Stickman's landscape photographs is available in Popular, retailing at $2.80*. It contrasts the old and new Singapore.

* We don't earn from the sale of the calendars - the printer does.

back to normal

2007-01-15T17:04:00.000+08:00

Stickman organised a surprise 65th birthday party for his old man yesterday. According to his grand plan, all relatives will be waiting and when the birthday boy arrives with my mil, we'll all hide in our bedroom and jump out on cue.

It resembles the grand plan of my 21st birthday party. Grouchy and shabbily dressed, I was dragged to the party venue where friends from all walks of life jumped on me. I've not recovered from that horrible incident. I like the effort, but not surprise parties :P

Anyway, brother-in-law and I didn't want to participate, and so the grand plan was modified to just keeping the shoes away and when birthday boy enters, Stickman will present him with the Angie's Choice mango cake and everyone will burst into a birthday song. It went quite well, despite the initial delay. The candles wouldn't stay lit, and when they did, sis-in-law blew out her match stick too hard, effectively blowing out all the lit candles. They had to be re-lit. Meanwhile, a frantic birthday boy was hammering at the door, wondering if something had happend to his only son and his daughter in law (whose value is higher now because she's carrying a grandson).

So everything went like clockwork. The mini-buffet was o-k-a-y. Two mahjong tables were set up for the adults after the food, and teenage relatives gathered to play neopet on the laptop. One tried to study amidst the noise. Toddlers went from my guitar to the keyboard to their toys and finally settled to watch The Ant Bully.

Hmmhmm... and I'm inundated with books about breastfeeding and child care. I've finished the one from the Breastfeeding Society of Singapore and am an expert on Breastfeeding for today. My outlook on my postpartum period is not so rosy now and I don't think I'll go back to work immediately. After all, you get to 'enjoy' this period only once or twice (if somebody can make me go through 9 months of uncertainty again).

Insomiac

2007-01-12T16:23:00.001+08:00

Insomiac. Wind & Baby.

Cash cow

2007-01-07T20:06:00.000+08:00

I couldn't sleep last night. I'm grouchy and very disturbed. Baby Ecc has reached the 6 months milestone in my tummy and I'm still not entirely sure who's going to help in the pending confinement period. I am complaining. That's because as reluctant as I am, the small-mindedness is probably taking over.

To add to that, most people have the 3 month maternity leave but I don't. I feel guilty asking my boss to let me off work another 3 months after and I feel guilty that my m-i-l has to give up her job to take care of baby. I don't understand why I still have to work to receive the commission for the work that I did in the past. It rightfully already belongs to me. Stupid staff welfare. Can't they please focus on other people who are NOT pregnant and NOT producing?

If I bring this up to Stickman, I fear it'll stress him all the more, and I really am not asking for money from him, and stress that I've never taken an allowance from him as I'm still employed. I don't - because I have witnessed such silly arguments over money among family members in the past and even relatives poke their noses into the financial situation between a husband and wife.

And adding to that, I want to tell all family and friends that Stickman and I are not cash cows. Stop borrowing and expecting money from us. Be more responsible with your own life.

Okay, time to stop sulking and start pottering around the house.

--
in a sour mood - so everything is stormy and everybody looks ugly

free access at spinelli

2007-01-06T14:43:00.000+08:00

Am blogging in Spinelli's now. Waiting for Stickman's appointment with an indian couple to END... before we head for weekend service in Expo. Apparently this indian wedding is going to be different, so they need to brief him on the procedure.

Stickman's double eyelid on one eye has vanished! He looks weird with a single eyelid. I álmost cannot recognise him. It depends on which side of his face I'm looking at.

Okay, I'm blogging crap. I'm falling asleep. I'm getting a facial from the heat. I really prefer the rainy weather. I guess it really depends on whether you have someone dear to snuggle up to, else it can feel pretty lonely with the rain pelting down outside your window.

I still have not stocked up on baby things. Still waiting for those friends who have promised cribs, clothes and whatever-else (things I've not heard before)... to live up to their promises! Ha ha, meanwhile, I'll be sipping bird's nest.

Stickman's back! Bye Bye!

new year

2007-01-06T01:16:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year!

Somehow, there's a magic to a new year that makes you kinda feel completely new. The feeling doesn't last, I know. Today, it started to wear off.

Every day can be a brand new beginning. If I can remember this, the new year magic will not wear off.

--
Mad at myself for listening to Stickman over some investments. Should have followed my own instincts... hng hng hng... >: (

Active baby & Mundane life report

2006-12-29T11:51:00.000+08:00

At 5 1/2 months, my midsection is resembling a balloon. This morning at around 7am, I was awakened by insistent kicks from within. Sometimes I get irritated... it can be pretty uncomfortable when your bladder is kicked. Other times, I'm just thankful at being kicked.

Today is housework day. The clothes are not drying well because of the wet weather and I'm trying my best to shift them to the balcony. Next will be vacuuming and mopping. Then I've to pack my wardrobe and put away clothes that will not fit me again till I become as swelte as before. :-P Must complete everything, or I wouldn't have time the next two days before some uni friends turn up for a game of mahjong on the 2nd.

Our temperamental aircon unit just blew again, and we've to get someone to fix it before the next hot spell. I reckon we've plenty of time.

Other than that, I'm trying to get my O2 mini sold and get a good camera phone (3.2 Mpix) which does not cost a lot. To me paying > $200 every year to upgrade to the latest hottest phone is very silly, so if my old Panasonic mobile phone can last another 8 mths, I would save $100. Other than a camera, the other functions can be basic and I wouldn't care.

X'mas & Boxing Day

2006-12-27T00:58:00.000+08:00

This is how I spent Christmas...

Sleep, sleep and more sleep... then went to Creative's Christmas Party with Stickman. It's more like a Chinese New Year show, as it had some shaolin troupe performing and a certain Secondary School Chinese Orchestra and Chinese Dance performing. At my age, you're no longer mesmerised by Secondary School arts & performance standards... especially Chinese Arts... because at the grand old age of 30, I've seen China Chinese perform.

We actually sat through some (important) old men reciting hokkien and teochew poems too. And 25 years of Creative's glorious history was forced upon a captive audience. At some point, we nearly thought the presentation will last 25 years as well.

The CEO actually wrote a skit which was acted by Mark Wong and gang. I didn't like the silly reference to our famous Annabel Chong. I don't like what she did, but I don't think she was a brainless and cheap slut as most people think. So the dig at her was very uncalled for in my opinion. The aim of the skit was to celebrate Creative's win over Apple in the out-of-court-settlement. Oh whatever.

The amazing thing is that most people stayed till past midnight, and it was an outdoor event. Even when it started to rain, people still refused to budge. You know what's the most creative part of the celebration??? It was the lure of winning Creative's own TOTO - announced at the end of the whole event.

In the end, we realised TOTO was actually fixed. The CEO intended to give $1000 to around 2000 employees and their family members, rewarding them for their turnout that night. This is in excess to the other generous prize monies he gave out earlier to a few lucky souls.

So... even though not many can appreciate his boasts of how creative he is, or even share his taste in entertainment, his generous nature more than covers up his faults.

feeling bloggy

2006-12-21T18:15:00.000+08:00

I'm very bloggy today. This is the 3rd post.
I'd like to blog about my happy life.

--
I sleep very late at night. Stickman does the second round of editing (wedding photos) till wee hours in the morning. I would lay on a thin mattress in the same study room to snooze till he's ready to sleep. If I'm asleep, he'd have to scrape me off the mattress. I'm happy because although he cannot edit and talk (very bad at multi-tasking), but I get to watch him work. Or rather, I get to watch him. Period.

--
I'm going to join an aqua-aerobics class with another preggie friend! :-) I can't wait to show off my big tummy! Class starts in Jan. I hope it doesn't rain so much then.

--

The next visit to the gynae is less than a month away, since gynae couldn't make it exactly one month from now. So I'll get to see little Ecclesias Kang very very soon! Stickman still doesn't remember how to pronounce but he likes the 'look' of the name. ???! Anyway, I finally have some good feedback on the name! Most people just scrunch their faces at the uncommon sound.

"Ecclesias Ecclesias Ecclesias" :-P So what if his grandparents / teachers / friends cannot pronounce the name? They'll learn it in time. He will learn to spell it in time as well. After all, "Aloysius" "Aurelius" babies can spell their name too. Duh. Not a concern. I think it's a beautiful name.

If I have a daughter in future... ha ha.. Psalm? Psalm Kang! That sounds like 'sampan'. Psalma Kang? Psalmatha Kang? Ewww... that's a problem for another time. :-)

nostalgia

2006-12-21T16:52:00.000+08:00

I started getting nostalgic after watching some old SBC videos on Youtube. Then I started searching for those chinese serials I was addicted to in the past. These are two of them.

Do you still remember Madeline Chu in ... "Mi li ye"???
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SWzVToSu1VI&NR

And another show about rebellious teens - "Bian Yuan Shao Nian"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cz4WP0e7pFQ

I remember begging my mom to buy me a pair of rollerskates after watching the show. When she didn't, I flooded the bathroom floor with soapwater and "skated". I was very very young then. :-P

Here's a favourite song of mine back then, though I didn't watch the show itself. I'm sure many of us remember this song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oot32QFb_II

garden city

2006-12-21T15:09:00.000+08:00

For those of you who have read The Secret Garden and have fantasised about discovering such a place, don't miss The Singapore Garden Festival 2006 ...
http://www.singaporesights.com/events/events-in-2006/singapore-garden-festival-2006-2.html

Stickman and I will be there - cameras and all!

---
Short updates :

1. Elayne came back from Australia and surprised us at dinner with her ang moh boyfriend, John! They met in prison (Elaine is a social worker while John used to be a prison officer). She's going India for holidays, leaving poor John stranded in Singapore. John resembles our Irish General Paper tutor from CJC, sans beard.

2. The other surprise was another JC classmate, who got married without inviting us to her wedding. But we forgive her. She's married a mainland Chinese and tells us how traditional his parents are. Just two generations apart and Singapore Chinese are so different from China Chinese. I've got some Beijing 2008 Olympics souvenirs from her.

3. My Secondary School classmates tried to arrange a class gathering but failed miserably. In the end the only people turning up are the same people who usually turn up. The clique.

4. This Christmas feels special, although I cannot put a finger on what exactly is special. I wish I have more money to buy presents for everyone and donate to all the charities. This Christmas, we didn't put up our tree :-( . Coz noone will be visiting during Christmas. We'll be attending most of the Christmas services, and on Christmas Day, horrors of horrors, we'll be going to his workplace for a Christmas Party - which could be fun. Then off to someone's wedding... and then off to countdown to 2007 in a Changi Chalet, with promises of good fooooodddd.

5. :-)

"I would have lost heart, unless I had believed That I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." Psa 27:13

30

2006-12-13T15:58:00.000+08:00

I finally collected my I/C this afternoon from ICA.

I have hit 30.

Next year I shall be 9 years less of 40.

30 wasn't scary but 40 will be scary.

It wasn't so long ago when I thought that people in their 30s and 40s are past their prime.

By 50, Baby'll be due for National Service.

By 60, Baby'll be reaching 30 years old.
If he bothers to listen, I'll tell him about the day I blogged this at age 30.

Concert

2006-12-10T13:23:00.000+08:00

We had the renowned Newsboys and David D'eor perform in church this weekend. Two different music genres, one central theme - God.

After clapping and shaking to Newsboys, I sat open-mouthed as David D'eor sang Amazing Grace. Awe-struck, even though the church sound system could not support his strong vocals. No wonder he's called 'a voice from heaven'.

As he sang 'I once was lost..', the camera panned over to his face and captured his glistening eyes.. it reminded me of Frodo's forlorn look in Lord of the Rings. Goosebumps.

Baby update

2006-12-07T12:33:00.000+08:00

I am incapable of writing paragraphs today so here are some updates.

I desperately want to sell off my O2 mini and get the LG Chocolate.

I may settle for Nokia N70/N73 in the end for functionality.

Baby kicks hard for his size - I shudder to think how active he'll be in the last trimester.

We are thinking of naming baby 'Ecclesias' after my favourite book in the Bible, Ecclesiastes, written by King Solomon.

Stickman has difficulty pronouncing the name and I just found out recently that I've been pronouncing it wrongly.

It doesn't stop us from liking the name.

I am thinking of next year's resolutions.

Stickman's using Bioessence mask for his eyebags.

I want to go on a free and easy trip to a faraway place.

I am supposed to help Stickman edit wedding photographs now but I'm not doing it.

I got my first Christmas present and dinner treat yesterday.

Wasabi and mustard makes a nice sauce.

Yum yum

2006-12-04T22:05:00.000+08:00

Yum yum.
My chicken soup tastes great.
It's not really the chicken.
It's the herbs.
Yum yum, baby'll like it.

--
Down with Ms Pokie!!! Arrrghhh... I feel like deleting you from my msn! Am NOT going to let you get me down.

strange clients

2006-12-04T21:46:00.000+08:00

Some clients are very STRANGE. I tell them to buy. They hesitate for donkey months. When fund prices are soaring, they hear of smarter and richer friends earning and boasting about it, then they buy.

When fund prices drop to rock bottom, they ask me why. I explain and I tell them to buy, they think I am crazy.

Now that their smarter and richer friends who bought low have earned ~40% in just 6 months, they start regretting not having bought at rock bottom and start looking at investing again. But then now they get too 'clever' and anticipate a drop soon. So they hesitate again.

I think they'll drive me crazy. And more so, because these people are NOT your regular aunties and ah-sohs. They are tertiary-educated. Ding dong ding dong. So I just let them be.

Wedding dinners

2006-11-29T23:28:00.003+08:00

My good friend from Secondary School just went through her traditional wedding ceremony. It spanned two days - Sunday and Monday.

We, the 'sisters', had a wonderful time ragging the husband. We removed his leg hair, made him swallow wasabi marshmellows and demanded that he do a pole dance in her fluorescent green bikini. Of course, the money was not too bad too.

I was one of the emcees that night. It's appalling how people ignore what's happening around them and carry on their loud chatter, even during the wedding march. These people are usually the aunties who have garish makeup on.

That night, a party popper shot a new, expensive-looking chandelier, sending glass splinters to the floor. The photographer also knocked over a statue, which shattered into bits. In the wake of the couple who had to pay a bomb for dirtying Regent Hotel's 'expensive carpet', this was a cause for worry.

It didn't dampen the amorous bridegroom's mood. Despite guzzling down red wine and hard liquor the whole night, we couldn't tell if he was really drunk or acting drunk. He hounded us afterwards, and forced us to drink. Thankfully, I am pregnant and had immunity.

I had a wonderful time. Thank God I could still fit into my black gown. Unfortunately, by the time the next wedding comes along, I shall be quite fat. Baby is quite active nowadays. He kicks hard.

--
On the bad side, some people are making me feel quite bad... asking me if I was still working or lazing around. I AM still working, just that the nature of my job allows me to take things slower. I think people are quite ridiculous if they take pride in BEING ABLE TO WORK HARD TO THE LAST WEEK OF PREGNANCY. I think they simply don't have a choice. And I have. So what's their problem?

In biblical times, Mary went to spend time with Elizabeth (better known as John the Baptist's mother) when she was pregnant. It was kind of like a pregnancy retreat for both of them. I think they were wiser in those times.

So what if I'm contented with stroking my ballooning tummy the whole day at home? I'm still earning my keep without lifting a finger. Even if I wasn't earning a cent, it's really none of anybody's business. Some people have to put others down to make themselves feel useful. Blah!

Stickbabe, now that you've vented steam on your blog, time to forget these thoughtless comments and move on... :)

Dear Baby

2006-11-22T17:59:00.000+08:00

Dear Baby

Thanks for kicking so hard this morning. Now, I can be sure it's not my intestines, but you moving around.

:-P

Fruits

2006-11-12T16:10:00.000+08:00

One of the nasty symptoms of pregnancy is constipation. A bloated stomach can get really depressing - may even contribute to prenatal depression (imho)! So that's how I discovered that bananas and papayas are heaven-sent and now I'm hooked on fruits.

http://www.thefruitpages.com/

early preggie woes

2006-11-12T15:42:00.000+08:00

I look small for dates. My friend who's only 9 weeks preggy is looking more pregnant than me. I'm not complaining but I feel like whining because people walk faster than me now and they don't look where they're going or who they're bumping into.

I'm wearing bigger clothes to look pregnant and the other day, it worked. A lady gave up her seat to me. However, on the same day, an Ah-Soh and her fat son beat me to a seat in Coffee Bean. She appeared from nowhere with her obese son, cut in front of me, and plonked on the seat. Her oily son rolled onto a seat beside her. I gave them an 'evil-eye' treatment but it was in vain, since the worms did not even glance at me.

Stickman says I should focus on more pleasant things so that baby will be happy. So I don't understand why he pinched me when I happily imagined the Ah Soh and her fat son slipping on banana peels.

I am improving though ... in the area of forgiveness. I haven't posted about Ms Pokie for ages, even though her low-EQ stunts have not ceased operation. Recently I heard she talked about me to my friend (who, of course, is my mole). I haven't reported THAT incident here, so that's a major area of improvement. When I take a step back, part of me feel that it's so petty and trivial, especially when children are starving in other parts of the world and when some countries possess technology to destroy the earth in a blink of an eye.

So I gather my baby will be a happy one, despite the streets being preggy-unfriendly and low-EQ people being blissfully unaware of their affliction...

Outing

2006-11-08T13:35:00.000+08:00

So the news has leaked out that I'm pregnant. Not that I mind anyway, being already three months into the process of human creation. (Too late for regrets!!!)

In any case, the worst (the terminally ill period) is over - I'm into the honeymoon period of pregnancy, which will last another 3 months before I resemble a balloon and incur other pregnancy symptoms.

Yesterday was the 2nd time I hung out in months. Some 'mummies club' ex-colleagues and I went to the Botanical Gardens to spend an afternoon catching up. No, we didn't walk around the gardens admiring flora. All we did was bum around in the new food court, sipping delightful avocado smoothies and wolfing down crabmeat fried rice. The combo murtabak was average though.

It was a lovely time and I wished I had done this earlier... hung out with mommies. The empathy is there when you talk about pregnancy and all its joys and pains. AND they don't ask silly questions or assume they understand your condition and jump to sillier conclusions.

Orange and Pepsi

2006-10-11T15:00:00.000+08:00

Addiction #1:

Air condition is not the only remedy for this bad spell of hot weather. Pepsi (with ice) is. Finally, I've been totally assimilated into the Junk Foodies' Society. Never heard of it? Don't bother. Sad to say, Coke does not give me the same deadly vibe. Coke hurts my throat. To avoid excessive burping and flatulence, problems which made me hate soft drinks so much in the past, I put a lot of ice and give the bottle a good shake to rid it of the bubblies.

Addiction #2:

Oranges. I could eat up to four a day.

Why you want to eat it :
Bright. Juicy. Cheerful disposition. Citrus scented.

Why you need it :
Contains Vitamin C. Helps you to absorb iron. Important in collagen formation (hey... COLLAGEN!). Prevents colds, scurvy and cataracts (amongst others)!

Yummy.

HAZE III

2006-10-08T19:14:00.000+08:00

Hello? I woke up to a bright morning. Something was amiss. I could see the block opposite mine! The HAZE is gone!

No, it's not totally disappeared. It's up there woozing in the skies. I know it, because I saw a red moon today.

I finally could step out of the house today. When I pointed the red moon out to the old taxi driver, he promptly recalled that when Chairman Mao died, the sun turned red. Oops, I can't tell between a moon and a sun nowadays.

Did I read somewhere in the bible about moon or sun turning red? Eek, some bible prophecy is about to be fulfilled. Not yet, God. Not so fast. Give us a few decades more to get in shape. After all, the haze is really really gone ... somewhere else ... today.

(Indonesian folk tale from yours truly :
The haze travels to the North Pole, choking up everything in its path. It settles on a major ice cube, sorry, berg. Which begins to melt for the first time since the last ice age. It melts, and melts. And a tidal wave heads towards... wala balooo, Singapore, Malaysia, Thailand and Indonesia! Habase. *bawling sounds* ) (Malay word, dunno how to spell)

HAZE II

2006-10-07T23:04:00.001+08:00

It's gotten worse since I first haze-posted!
I'm choking on haze in my air-conditioned living room!
Poor Stickman is still out there!

*Paranoia*

So which part of S'pore is not affected?
The property prices will soar there.
We could build a Haze Emergency Retreat Centre thereabouts.
Or a spa, complete with a limousine service as and when the haze hits.

Ya, a spa will make more money.
Money is the key.
Invent more environmentally-friendly ways to clear forests / farmlands.
Or better still, pay for more diplomatic trips between our ministers and theirs to discuss this horrendous air pollution.

--
But doctors say it is not entirely necessary to run out to get your face masks now as it will only be really effective if the PSI goes into the dangerous range. - CNA/ch

Ya, why be so kiasu?! Don't run to get your face masks, Singaporeans.
Wait till you can't see your hand in front of you...

HAZE

2006-10-07T15:45:00.000+08:00

We grew up with the haze, didn't we? The problem has existed for many years, hasn't it?

I don't remember suffering so much from it. I can't step out of the house without choking.

This morning, a Class 95 DJ quipped, "The rain has not come... I'm speaking with a blocked nose now, all because of our 'considerate' neighbours."

In retrospect, we miss the good air because we don't have it right now. Once the haze is gone, everyone forgets about the problem. It's the same with other environmental issues. We don't recycle - and one day - we'll mope when we've no more fresh air to breathe, fresh water to drink and new clothes to wear. Ha ha.

Only after the last tree has been cut down;
Only after the last fish has been caught;
Only after the last river has been poisoned;
Only then will you realise that money cannot be eaten.

Come on, let's buy an air purifier to solve the problem.

--
StickQuote of the Day :
"Dear, I think the haze cooks the heat..."
(Stickman, coming back from a daytime photography assignment)

Stickman

2006-09-27T21:43:00.000+08:00

It's interesting to note that Stickman and I have been together (as in romantically-linked together) for 11 years! 1995 to 2006! Awwright... minus a year of separation... that's still 10 years together! Almost 4 years since ROM and 2 years of cohabiting after that.

It's interesting to see how we've grown together and as individuals over the span of one decade : how Stickman has changed from a straight-faced possessive undergraduate to a goofy lovable and dependable husband. Stickman the Worker, Stickman the Maid, and Stickman the Lover (3-in-1 good deal).

The most amazing change came over the last 2 years when he accepted Christ to my greatest surprise and then became more open about his thoughts and feelings. And today he's able to pray for me before bedtime.

My greatest gossip partner.

life is meaningless

2006-09-11T21:51:00.000+08:00

My birthday is approaching, and I wonder if Stickman has planned anything. A few days ago, he had this brainwave to write his life experiences down and has asked me to illustrate them with my stickdrawings.

In truth, I've not drawn a single Stickman or woman this week. I've been drawing creatures though. Triangular, oblong... trapeziums... all thanks to all the Math tuition I've been giving.

I've not been having much appetite. Strangely, I now feel it's so important to have an appetite for things, be it food, work or fun. Without appetite, life is bland as distilled water.

I feel like a terminally-ill, lethargic and without the will to live. Now I can finally say I understand what those terminally-ill patients at the place I volunteer feel about the 'vomit-food' served to them. For goodness sake, they're terminally ill. The food should be better prepared to give them an avenue of enjoyment. Perhaps this is the thing about hospital food. They suck.

Also I find that it's no good to hate irritating people and become mang-jang(irritated). Since I've so much self-control that I do not punish these people on the spot, I should also not make myself suffer in silence with unforgiveness.

At this moment, Stickman is apologising profusely to a myna which he's just pushed from the window to the ledge below after opening the window. (A pair of mynas are living below our window). He is a queer one.

With him by my side, I can endure all the irritating people in the world again. I shall endure Ms Pokie for a 100 more years.

At my most evil...

2006-09-06T21:17:00.000+08:00

Sigh...
the wait is unbearable.

my boss

2006-08-23T00:42:00.000+08:00

This is a posting about my boss and me.

I think my boss had high hopes for me.
Before, not now.
I'm too strange for her to comprehend.
I'm not found in her list of people-categories.

She's the perfect embodiment of the company.
Till it is gone, not one jot or tittle of the company shall cease from her life.
Or perhaps that is what she wants us to think of her.
I really don't care about the company, so her reasons are falling on deaf ears.
And she doesn't really care about me, as my suggestions to the company are met with diplomatic answers - and we both know nothing will change.

Just as well, it's easier for me to leave. Just taking my time.

Happy birthday Stickman

2006-08-23T00:25:00.000+08:00

Happy birthday Stickman!
(belated post)

It's an uneventful day for Stickman as I did not really spring a big surprise for him. I had planned to draw a comic book for him, but every stick figure I drew turned out so ugly I scraped the whole book.

So poor Stickman had to settle for two shirts and a Japanese meal in Jurong Point.

Everything I do turns out ugly these days. I blame it on the hot weather. My blood has a boiling point that of room temperature and it runs like poison through my veins. And I simply am very very rude and uncooperative - which is why I'm staying away from everyone to recite the Beautitudes at home.

Joyce Meyer

2006-08-11T22:39:00.000+08:00

Thank God. Today my friend's sister and I were almost mowed down by this driver who had eyes only on the right side of his head. I was unscathed as I was further away... but my little friend (only 13 years old) had a long scratch on her leg. We laughed over the dangling skin after she cooled down from screaming at the driver. I can't imagine why he would miss noticing us crossing the road - but thank God his car was stationary at that time, and he didn't accelerate too much else we would've been pancakes. Delifrance tuna oozing from my gut. Arrrgh.

In the evening, two friends and I paid a visit to one of our charges in a volunteer program I was involved in. She is a grandma, but her children are absent from her life. Only a daughter-in-law looks after her (without her son's help) and the family is plunged into financial difficulty. I'm very amazed by the kindness of her d-i-l, who has two very lovely children. Throughout the visit, the 2 year old girl screamed when I didn't give her my attention. She was quite cool to my other two friends though. The granny cried when she mentioned her absent son. :-( Anyway, she was visibly relieved after we prayed for her, even though she was a non-christian. We prayed for her to be able to sleep at night. )

I walked away from the visit thinking that women can be really strong when adversity hits. Just recently, I had news of an ex-student being dumped by her boyfriend after she was made pregnant. Her baby's now 6 months old and she's working hard to support her. I know a few other friends who were also dumped by their husbands. And I know a guy who's behaving very childishly by splurging all his money on a car after being dumped by his fiancee.

I'm on the verge of saying men are.... But who'm I do judge? :-/ Insanity overtakes all of us at one time.

Psst :
This site has great counselling podcasts on all kinds of abuse.

http://www.joycemeyer.org/projects/podcast/podcast.html

HE BREWS

2006-08-08T22:22:00.000+08:00

Did you know that men should make the coffee, not women?

It's even in the Holy Bible!

Don't believe me?

Turn to Table of Contents.

Between Philemon and James...

It reads, "He-brews".

manulife

2006-08-08T00:50:00.000+08:00

I've got a secret to tell. U must not tell others - cos I've not tendered. I've decided to leave my company soon!

But I'm going to another company! I'm really excited that I found a company that sounds like what I'm looking for. I thought I would have to just stick to full time tuition. So although I've to start from scratch again, it's still in the same industry! Yeap.

My dream salary is $8k/mth. Here it is, I've written it down. When I achieve it I shall book myself on a plane to ... ermm... well I've not had any desire to go anywhere far these years. Alright, perhaps I'd get a Hermes bag or something. Do what I can't normally do, as a milestone. Ooohh, perhaps I'll go to Cambodia with Stickman.

Dreams.. haha. But maybe I'd be fat and pregnant, then it'll be another 2 years before I can work on this 'vision'.

Brrr, I am going to zzz.

beloved stickman

2006-08-05T00:56:00.000+08:00

News-in-brief :

Stickman's walking around with a hair lick. His hair has grown out quite a bit and turned wavy. He looks like Tweety in the morning.

Melonbabe's been trimming eyebrows for people. Her eyebrows look good! I will consider paying her to do my eyebrows if they turn out well.

My brother pronounces "Pisces" as "faeces", provoking condescending laughter from Melonbabe.

I've just finished one round of mock cell group and things are hotting up in school again. By the end of the year, I would have the experience of preaching at the pulpit (mock service) for 10 times. It should be grand.

demonic powers broken

2006-07-31T00:53:00.000+08:00

Deliverance weekend services are finally over. We're encouraged, as bible school students, to pray for those responding to the altar call for deliverance. Initially skeptical that I could 'deliver' a person, I didn't try to do so in bible school. But it was unavoidable once it got to the weekend services.

Hundreds and hundreds of people came forward for both services and there weren't enough workers to go around. My friend and I tried going in pairs, and had some initial success. We were emboldened. After that, I was dragged off to pray for someone already manifesting on the ground away from the main area.

I think I prayed for a total of around 15 girls/women over these two days. Some were quick, some were long and drawn out. Some cried, vomitted and some 'fainted'. I swear I don't have bad breath! There was one with a bad headache, and immediately when I prayed for her I sensed a spirit of death, and called it out. Later she told me that her headache was gone and she had in fact, attempted suicide before.

I'm glad I took a step of faith to pray, and the things I witnessed were amazing... and would further build up my faith that God is real. Demons are real. Satan is real.

Much to mull over.

truth or discipline?

2006-07-23T02:40:00.001+08:00

There's something in today's sermon about being married but living a single life. Married Singles. Two Singles living in one house, sharing the same bed. I think it describes us, though Stickman thinks it's just me. I don't enjoy being regulated, and I didn't get married for the sake of being regulated by someone.

Truth is, I learnt responsibility over the years. I learnt to discern between being controlled and being accountable. So I'd always let Stickman know my whereabouts these days. He, in turn, does not really control what I do or who I meet, aside from an occasional squawk.. So trust has to be earned.

I see nothing wrong with being a Married Single. I have my own life, and he should have his own life. We go out with common friends once in a while, and we visit each other's families once in a while. I do have a choice whether to go visit his other relatives. If I feel obligated, I definitely won't do it.

Goodness! A P school friend I've not talked to for 10+ years is online! Bye...!!!!

frustrated

2006-07-22T00:47:00.000+08:00

I know that we all put different weight on different issues. But if you invite someone to share what's bothering them, you volunteer to be a listener to their problems.

At least that's how I interpret it.

So when someone repeatedly asked me what's been eating me, I told him. Only to be told that I should not be thinking about that, and that I'm ruining my whole life.

Isn't that a bit too serious? I don't intend to ruin my whole life over a problem, no matter how important to me, it's still just one problem.

And who are you to tell me that it is a small issue? To have a dream resurrected, then put on hold, and waiting for others to fulfil their promises, while facing ridicule from those who don't think I'm up to it, is not fun. I hope to be able to tell someone, but this thing that I fear has come upon me (quoting Job). Nobody understands. I can't even put it on this blog.

F* off.

tired

2006-07-21T00:33:00.000+08:00

This I learnt some time ago. When I'm tired, it's best I talk less, else I usually end up regretting it.

I'm very tired today. I better stop writing.

Pets

2006-07-17T02:54:00.000+08:00

Stickman's agreed to let me keep a pet based on 2 conditions. Sometimes, I really wonder why I've to seek his permission in this, but I guess I did for continued fun, laughter, peace and joy.

He considers me sloppy by his standards. Just to give you an inkling of how high his standards are, I'll give you this example. He goes shopping with me. He sees some clothes in a mess. He folds them neatly and places them in order and I wait till he finishes before we move on.

I accept responsibility that I cause our shared workspace to look worse than the Israeli/Palestinian warzone sometimes. So I've gamely agreed to be humble for two months while I get my act together.

1. I have to keep my things after I've used it.
2. If I see anything not in place, I've to do something.
(the evil Stick is going to test me I'm sure... he left an odd button of his near the kitchen sink previously to test how long I'd take to notice it.. evil Stick!)

2 months of reform! I'd do anything to get a rabbit or cat in the house. Hmm.. should I choose to adopt a rabbit or a cat? I've started to find babies irritating again... perhaps a pet would be good for a while.

God fulfills his promises

2006-07-17T01:55:00.000+08:00

A* has asked me to prepare to play a song for ministry tomorrow. I'm quite worried since he mentioned I can't use my own guitar. But well! I know we'll all have a great time. And he said he'll coach me more when the big events are over. Yippee!

Today, I dumped one of my younger tuition kids. I was quite positive I got him improving in his Math, when he sprung a lie on his parents and me. And since I disliked the parents immensely, I decided that ALL of them are simply not worth my time. My agent's a tad upset, and says that it's his fault (perhaps he has to return the commissions ha ha). I like being a tutor. I can choose my students. They call it 'cherry-picking' in insurance, referring to insurance companies insuring only the healthy. I pick students with healthy attitudes.

I was quite upset initially about the lie, but later, another tuition kid introduced her friend to me. So I have a new tuition kid! Great! Business is also coming in for me once I've decided to continue on (to be reviewed in Dec 2006), and so I thank God for all these breakthroughs. It's very likely I'll continue, whether in the same company or another, after this year. I am still not enthusiastic about teaching in school part-time (which I may have to do to achieve my income goal if I take up tuition). Schools end so late nowadays that it's hard for a full-time tutor to arrange enough students to go beyond $6K/mth. Somemore no cpf and benefits.

:-) Whatever it is, life is great with goals and dreams.

First Hand

2006-07-12T22:52:00.000+08:00

I'm positive I found the ministry that I'm called to be in! Ministry is something like a CCA in church. In many ways, it's more than that, but I'll just leave it on this note. I'm quite positive this will be my last ministry. Bookstore will have to take a backseat soon.

Didn't I read somewhere that the deferred hope makes the heart sick? I've been wanting to get in this ministry (to the terminally ill) since 2002, but because there were school CCAs on Saturdays back then, I could not attend their compulsory training sessions.

So hope, hope, and hope, till this year, I finally fulfilled my dream. On Monday, I went for my first ward visit. And saw a patient crying for his mother. I have mastered detachment quite well, surprisingly. My new charge is quite sociable and quite healthy still. I've been warned that I'll feel quite bad when my charge eventually passes away. But let's make the most of the time together.

all very confusing...what'll happen next yr

2006-07-12T21:48:00.000+08:00

I've decided to re-evaluate my decision to leave my company at the end of the year. Thanks for talking to me, CS. We'll see if it all works out. Perhaps there's a better solution which will present itself at the end of the year. In a way, it's hard to leave this job that developed me more as a person, rather than my years as an... ahem... "acccchhoooooo"!!!

(What was it I was talking about?! Anyway...)

I'm reading Beauty for Ashes by Joyce Meyer, which I intend to give to a depressed friend tomorrow. The author is a woman who's suffered severe abuse and rejection of every sort from her childhood. These are some addictive behaviours identified from the book as a result of abuse. I'm certain I still have some of them. As do most of you out there.

1. Rage
2. Fear
3. Religious righteousness (or self-righteousness)
4. Joy fixation (frozen smile, never appearing to be angry)
5. Non-stop talking (remember my dear Ms Pokey?)
6. Detailing (this I definitely don't have and can't stand)
7. Unsettled mind (always trying to figure how to react)
8. Work
9. Owning and caring for too many pets
10. Being controlling (cannot submit emotion to logic or reason)
11. Caretaker (feel so worthless that they are addicted to helping others, people-pleasing and being nice to feel good)

I am not where I need to be; but thank God, I am not where I used to be.

Headache

2006-07-09T22:32:00.000+08:00

Stickman's been plying me with very flattering compliments recently. You know, this man has never ever complimented me before unless I squeezed it out of him. Usually there's a qualifying statement after the measured compliment. Eg. You look very nice... in the dim light.

I smell a fish.

It started with "You are a good wife."
Then recently he said, "Your dressing complements your new look."

Hmmm... very strange. Or must I learn to accept compliments graciously?

Demons, exams... what else?!

2006-07-06T17:08:00.000+08:00

Life's so boring here in Singapore. There's no place to go that we've not been to before. New restaurants are not exciting because there's nothing much on the menu for us to choose from. Nothing unusual or exciting ever happens.

Which is why I read "Demons : the answer book" by Lester Sumrall in just two hours. This book's one of my assigned reading texts and we're doing a book review on it. It's very exciting, the climax being the account of how Mr Sumrall exorcised the demons from Clarita (a filipino girl in jail for prostitution) where doctors, psychiatrists and spiritualists have failed. She was periodically bitten and tormented by two unseen demons, and wet teeth marks would appear on her hands and body before a shocked police force and media. When the demons finally left her alone, around a hundred thousand in the land became believers. That was in the 1950s.

Demons to me were the stuff of superstition and stories about them were just hearsay. I used to stay away from services where exorcism was taking place - mainly because I was irritated by all the screaming. Being in Asia, it was quite unusual of me to be so dismissive of the spirit world.

I had an ex-student in Secondary 2 who was possessed, sitting right before me as I was teaching. When I got to know about it, I stared long and hard at her so as to gauge the truth of the matter. However, she did not manifest in a crazy way, and instead asked to go to the toilet. If she was really possessed, I understand why now, after studying this topic on Demons! But there's a lot more I don't understand!

This has been an amazing read.. but alas, it's time to study for my exams tomorrow. I should have eaten more gingko nuts. How to remember all the greek/hebrew terms and bible verses?

P/S : Today, I sat next to Ms Pokey. Things are better now that I've decided to be a better person.

Adopt a cat

2006-07-04T23:44:00.000+08:00

I hope to adopt a cat or a rabbit from SPCA. I hope Stickman will agree to it. I'll try to be really good this week and the next.>:)

Hmph.

gone at 18

2006-07-01T04:04:00.000+08:00

Last night, I attended the funeral wake of my friend's 18-year-old daughter. She passed away from a bike accident, where she was riding pillion. My heart goes out to my friend, his wife, and especially to the deceased's two younger siblings. The younger one had fainted after we made prayers for her family, and had to be taken out for some fresh air.

She was the prodigal daughter, but of late, she had been returning home now and then. Things were starting to improve. Then this accident. Childhood sweethearts. It would remain that way forever.

Out of the blue, Stickman told my friends at the same table that I was a good wife. A morbid thought occurred to me. The day before, I had choked on a fishball, and almost died alone in the food court. In the end, I managed to swallow the whole [deleted text] thing. If the fishball had refused to go down my throat, Stickman would really be saying that from a totally different perspective. Ahh, praise God for prolonging my life! I won't be eating fishballs for some time.

white flag

2006-07-01T03:44:00.000+08:00

*White flag*
(refer to previous post)

I've surrendered. None of us had the heart to tell Ms Pokey off. In the car today, everyone ELSE agreed to alight at Queenstown MRT. There was an awkward pause, then our wonderful driver asked Ms Pokey where she would like to alight. She had some decency to mutter, "Ikea, if possible." (Note : "if possible" is usually omitted.)

Later, when all of us alighted, I deliberately held the door open for longer than necessary for Ms Pokey to get out of the back seat. She remained seated, indifferent. I deliberately asked, "Isn't she going to sit in front?" Others rolled their eyes and shrugged. Ms Pokey remained resolutely seated. It is possible she had heard but was sticking by her stand that our driver did not mind. I nearly slammed the door.

That's the last straw. I'll not blog about Pokey anymore. Finding fault with her gives me a bad feeling - since she's a fellow classmate and I've known her for years. Too much familiarity breeds contempt. So the solution is to keep a distance from her. What a pity!

car etiquette

2006-06-28T01:17:00.000+08:00

Isn't it common sense to move to the front passenger seat if you're the last person getting off in your friend's car?

And if you didn't, you could always shift to that seat when everyone else has alighted.

And even if you didn't know about this particular car etiquette, you could have heeded the prompting of well-meaning friends. At this juncture, the polite driver would of course assure you it's alright to remain seated at the back...

So you stay put. In your comfort zone, you still could insist that it's alright because the driver doesn't mind.

Is it an EQ issue or does it hint at something worse? People who offer to drive you for free are not at your beck and call. They are not taxi drivers. They pay for the convenience of having a car, and you make it inconvenient for them. Ms Pokey, I think it's time we confronted you. We'll do it nicely, and hope you listen.

blog

2006-06-27T02:31:00.000+08:00

When words fail, it's time to post nonsense.

Your Blogging Type is Artistic and Passionate

You see your blog as the ultimate personal expression - and work hard to make it great.
One moment you may be working on a new dramatic design for your blog...
And the next, you're passionately writing about your pet causes.
Your blog is very important - and you're careful about who you share it with.

What's Your Blogging Personality?

hidden

2006-06-27T02:29:00.000+08:00

Your Hidden Talent

Your natural talent is interpersonal relations and dealing with people.
You communicate well and are able to bring disparate groups together.
Your calming presence helps everything go more smoothly.
People crave your praise and complements.

What's Your Hidden Talent?

mac what?

2006-06-27T02:19:00.000+08:00

You Are Somewhat Machiavellian

You're not going to mow over everyone to get ahead...
But you're also powerful enough to make things happen for yourself.
You understand how the world works, even when it's an ugly place.
You just don't get ugly yourself - unless you have to!

How Machiavellian Are You?

body image

2006-06-27T02:11:00.000+08:00

Your Body Image is 32% Unhealthy, 68% Healthy

You're body image is quite healthy, though you're sometimes a little bit too hard on yourself.
Chances are you've got a rockin' body - so enjoy it!

How's Your Body Image?

agape

2006-06-27T02:08:00.000+08:00

Your Love Style is Agape

You are a caring, kind, and selfless partner.
Unsurprisingly, your love style is the most rare.
You are willing to sacrfice your world for your sweetie.
Except it doesn't really feel like sacrifice to you.
For you, nothing feels better than giving to the one you love.

What's Your Love Style?

eunuch

2006-06-27T02:05:00.000+08:00

You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.
Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.
You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.
You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

Quit?

2006-06-27T02:00:00.000+08:00

Your Job Dissatisfaction Level is 53%

Well, you don't have the worst job in the world, but it's not great.
And don't worry, you're not the problem - your company is.
Start looking around for another job, even if you're not totally fed up.
Because in time, you're going to be dying to quit!

Should You Quit Your Job?

my face!

2006-06-27T01:58:00.000+08:00

What Your Face Says

At first glance, people see you as strong willed and stubborn.

Overall, your true self is creative and expressive.

With friends, you seem logical, detached, and a bit manipulative.

In love, you seem mysterious and interesting.

In stressful situation, you seem like you're oblivious to the stress.

What Do People Think Of Your Face?

Ideal Career

2006-06-27T01:50:00.000+08:00

Your Career Type: Social

You are helpful, friendly, and trustworthy.Your talents lie in teaching, nursing, giving information, and solving social problems.
You would make an excellent:
Counselor - Dental Hygienist - LibrarianNurse - Parole Officer - Personal TrainerPhysical Therapist - Social Worker - Teacher
The worst career options for your are realistic careers, like truck driver or farmer.

What's" Your Ideal Career?

Keys to my heart???!

2006-06-27T01:45:00.000+08:00

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Weeeeeee!!!!

2006-06-20T04:08:00.000+08:00

Up, up and away.
Freedom is near.

I'm a starfish in the sky!

Bali blog

2006-06-19T03:38:00.000+08:00

Click on the picture to visit my BaliSticks blog.
You'll find some photographs taken by yours truly using a SLR camera, manual mode, for the first time.

Bali : good, bad, ugly

2006-06-17T23:28:00.000+08:00

BALI : THE GOOD, THE BAD & THE UGLY

[ The GOOD ]
This is our tour guide, Sawana, in the background. He knows practically everything about Bali. I'm holding up one of the several varieties of leaves used for cooking curry. He also introduced me to a delicious fruit called Salak (Snakeskin fruit). It is delicious.

Good too, were our travel companions, a well-travelled Malay family of four. We frequently depended on them for interpretation and bargaining tips. We were sad to part ways at the end of the second day. In the picture, Sawana is taking a picture of them on Beratan Lake, Bedugul. Stickman was running around crazily in the park, taking pictures of everything.

[ The BAD ]
Local men we talked to mostly claim to be married, and the wifey is always pregnant. I'm wary of sob stories used to wring more rupiah out of me. Here, our taxi driver took us for a long spin. He even had the gall to drive past the shop where his 'wife' was working. No wonder he was thrilled when we asked for 'meter'!

When we eventually arrived at Monkey Forest Road, we wrangled with him for a fixed fare. In return, he waited for us and brought us to Tanah Lot after that. It was still expensive. We nicknamed him "That Monkey".

Bad also, was our brush with vice. On Kuta Beach to the left, we were besieged not only by massage women, surf instructors and touts. We were also asked if we wanted "Dama" (marijuana)!

And the long awaited... [ THE UGLY ]
This ugly incident really happened in an Armani Exchange (AX) shop (opposite the latest Bali bomb site shown in the picture).

I was paying for a T-shirt which cost me Rp 75,000 (~S$15). I placed a Rp50,000 note on the counter while I fumbled clumsily for the rest of the notes. Crazily, the salesperson became aggressive and pointed at the note on the counter. To my surprise, the note on the table was Rp 5,000! She insisted rudely that I give another Rp 70,000. I protested, but she told me off, saying I had read the number wrongly. I did cough up another Rp 70,000 unhappily, but as I was leaving, I caught her sneaking a knowing look at another salesperson.

Outside the shop, I met Stickman, and I started recalling all the purchases we made. Indeed, I was missing Rp50,000! That [deleted text] switched my Rp50,000 for Rp5,000! I was incensed, but Stickman said there was nothing I could do since I was already outside the shop. We walked to Hard Rock Shop, but I was getting angrier by the moment. I didn't like the fact that she bullied me into giving her money! I could not be appeased, and got Stickman to return with me to the shop. I felt something had to be done, but I didn't know what. I told Stickman that if he could capture shots of the salesgirls, I could at least perform some voodoo (haha). At least I was hoping to freak them out. I would not let them sleep peacefully that night.

Once inside, however, I was happy to note that there were two angmoh customers. It was my trump card. At first, I didn't know what to say, and they were uneasy that I had returned. Once I opened my mouth however, I started heating up, and here I am, pointing my finger rudely at them, giving them a taste of their own medicine.

The bolder girl had the cheek to ask me "Did you see me switching the note?!" to which I replied, "I don't have to see it. I am sure! You still want your angmoh customer?" I was angry enough to brush her argument aside. So what if I didn't see her grubby fingers switching the notes?

Finally they capitulated, and took out one whole stack of notes behind the counter. My Rp50,000 was inside the stack. YOU SEE... the stack of notes was NOT kept in the cash register, meaning that it was their stolen stash from all their victims! It was a really big stack too!

I am going to see if there're any tourist blogs I can post this in. These two stupid ugly dishonest wretches should be stopped. As you can see, I was f-u-r-i-o-u-s. They picked the wrong woman to mess with. Grr...

I'm in the midst of putting up another blog on for the photographs I took in Bali. It's my maiden attempt at using the manual function to capture shots. It'll be up soon. Despite the UGLY side to Bali, I'd love to visit again.

home!

2006-06-17T04:15:00.000+08:00

We're back in Singapore! I'm happy to be back, even though I'll gladly return to Bali again.

It's been a good break, and I've healed somewhat. I realise it's a choice I've to make to remain positive, as it'll not feel better till... why, till I have a child.

I'll blog about the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly about Bali soon. :-) By the way, the World Cup fever is getting on my nerves. I'm going to kaabonk that Stickman soon.

the island

2006-06-11T00:34:00.000+08:00

The inhabitants of Bali are very excited. This Sunday, the famous Sticks from the island of Singapore are finally going to grace the island with their presence. A welcome party has been carefully assembled. It was decided that there would be a gamelan and a kris dance performance at Denpasar airport : a full-scale celebration that will last one whole day.

The Sticks, being so meek, are intimidated at the grandiosity of the reception. Stickman has graciously accepted the invitation to photograph the island in the most beautiful way to help attract more publicity - and tourism - back to the island paradise. Stickbabe, of course, is there for no reason at all. But the local hindu intelligence has found out that Stickman will not go anywhere without her, hence, she must be treated the way they treat their homemade exquisite pottery.

So, come Sunday, the glory departs from Singapore to Bali... and every Singaporean is going to feel an inexplicable sadness at 7pm, when the Sticks get airborne.

this is me

2006-06-10T00:10:00.000+08:00

this is me, right now.

withdraw from me, world.

Birdies

2006-06-09T00:50:00.001+08:00

I blogged about mynahs dropping out of the sky the other day. I was very wrong. The crows were the unlucky ones. The mynah population is thriving.

Last night, a mynah slept soundly on the ledge outside our bedroom window. It didn't wake even though Stickman and I were peeping at it from behind our curtain. This morning, it left a farewell present on our ledge for Stickman.

And oh! This evening, I was loitering in Jalan Besar, and had my dinner in a sleazy neighbourhood coffeeshop that only had two foodstalls. Posters of provocative beerbabes in sailor costumes screamed "Would you be my captain?!" One of these stimulating posters were plastered on a pillar right in front of my table. I could have been nude the way two men in their 60s stared at me from a nearby table. It was a sleazy coffeeshop alright - don't ask me what I was doing in such a place. I was hungry.

But what caught my attention was a bird that swooped down on a lizard near me. As I pecked away at my dinner, my feathered friend pecked away at the lizard till its tail dislodged and wriggled away. I struggled to keep my food down, and my avian imitator struggled to get its victim down its throat. Finally it proved too much for me and I stopped eating. It, too, stopped and dropped the motionless lizard for its wriggling tail.

It was an interesting and memorable dinner. Let's attempt to build a food chain.
sugar -> ant -> spiders -> lizard -> bird -> man

Retail Therapy & GSS

2006-06-07T23:57:00.000+08:00

GSS Retail Therapy. Pontan your work. Go splurge and fulfill your material lusts.

The Face Shop - lipstick, foundation, blusher, 3 face masks
Coral Isle - pink skirt / tube
Red2 - a black and white milkmaid top
Mademoiselle - a turquoise camisole with a big lacy cross
Helen - a pair of turquoise heart-shaped earrings studded with crystals

Hmm... spend first, suffer next month.

new.

2006-06-07T04:38:00.000+08:00

I've somehow managed to jumble up all the code in my template, and committed the sin of not backing it up. So I've decided to switch to a more subtle design, based on what I could glean off ready-made templates on the internet.

I've decided to talk to someone about my mood swings. She's a special someone who has also been through a similar situation during her second pregnancy. I do think I can speak openly with her, for she doesn't pretend to be know exactly what I am going through - since she believes the agony's less when you already have a child. I really resent people who tell me what I will go through, or should go through, at this stage. People who pretend to know.

Spiritually, I feel tested. Can I really praise Him after what has happened? Could I be a Job? And will He restore me? Will I worship Him with the same intensity as before things went wrong? My spirit says yes, but my flesh says no. Yet I know, if I recover, my faith will be stronger. It's faith that's tested by fire. It'll stand the test of time.

Empowerment against poverty

2006-06-06T13:00:00.000+08:00

It's during down periods that these reminders pick me up and give comfort.
( Visit http://www.care.org/ )
They remind me that the world is larger than my own.
They remind me that my belief in God rests on more than my bad experiences.

[deleted text]

So other than all these, I'm quite alright now. I've just rebonded my hair and feel totally new. Everything just seems like a distant nightmare and I'm looking forward for my Bali trip to complete the healing process.

So visit http://www.care.org/ and be blessed.

a revelation

2006-06-01T01:46:00.000+08:00

Today I hauled myself to work. It was agonising to sit through the 2hr meeting - I was feeling faint, probably from the walk under the hot sun. There was some joke about me being old, probably as a feeble attempt to engage me, but I nonchalantly swatted the flies away and didn't catch the joke.

I was also thirsty and ravenous - a new development, as I've been having a weak appetite. The moment it ended, I shot out of the door and lingered in the computer area. Dang, the terminals were occupied. I hung around some more and got rewarded. Did my submission and slithered thankfully out of the office.

I devoured a Jollibean peanut pancake while walking around Cold Storage. It was happy food for me. The soya milk drink, however, proved too much for me, and I ended up dumping the whole thing. A ravenous appetite appeased with just a pancake. That was lunch. I'm going to be thin in no time. Yeah.

An hour later, I reached home. Home's really a safe haven. I had a bad headache which wouldn't go away with sleep. Panadol to the rescue...

I gave up trying to sleep. Got dressed and walked to the mall, where I met my Stick-cousin. I was also doing some fund-switching for her, a month late, since she went for a month-long trip to Europe. She bought bird's nest for me, to my surprise. I was quite touched by this gesture. She was full of stories to tell about her trip. A particularly cute one was when she asked for a 'fork' in the restaurant, the waitress obviously mistook the word for another, and asked her repeatedly to repeat what she wanted. I guess getting a fork isn't so simple in those areas, it's easier to say "fork and spoon" than trying to pronounce 'fork' in a non-sexual way.

I'm home and it's now 2am. Stickman and I can't sleep. He's doing some touch-ups on a recent wedding of a friend's, which I had to miss. I'm blogging, since there's nothing much to do anyway. I'm quite clingy now, and refuse to let him out of my sight, except in the mornings when he goes to work.

It's sick to live like this. Tomorrow I shall attempt to live normally again. And hope noone asks me questions that makes me want to keel over. Like, what happened? How did it happen? Does it matter? It just DIDN'T happen. I know it's just paranoia on my part, but just today alone, I've had to answer that question three times - saying 'I don't know'. Next time, I'll heed Ms Insensitive's untimely advice and tell others only when I'm 9 mths pregnant, God willing.

The roller coaster ride - when's the end?

2006-05-30T01:52:00.000+08:00

Life for the past five days has been a roller coaster ride of physical and emotional pain. Triggers were aplenty. I cannot for the life imagine why I would be so upset over the Korean period drama - which featured a sickly pregnant concubine. Or worse, upset with Stickman for watching it, and not realising that it could trigger me off.

So life has been hell for him as well, much to my satisfaction. It must sound rather selfish, but I find that the loss of a child (or in this case, embryo) means so much more to the woman because it happens inside your body. Like it or not, you feel it, not your man. And when it dies, it doesn't just expires quietly, but makes sure that everytime, you're reminded of that loss when you visit the toilet. For the following days, you dread going to the toilet to see that patch of red mass.

And when people ask if you're well, what are you really supposed to reply? I say I'm not well, and a deluge of questions will continue. Possibly they'll get worried and distressed. I say I'm well then.

In reality, I'm living quite well - consuming bird's nest and chicken essence for breakfast everyday. I lie down quite a lot. I don't have to do housework. People buy meals for me. Stickman cooks and boils longan water for me. Yes, I am living quite well. I only do not get my way with my job - which I'm going to ditch anyway, because knowing my condition, they still want me back at work this week. Probably it's a confrontation waiting to happen. Probably they feel that I'm taking too much time off for school and then, this pregnancy thinggy. This is the major trigger point, I feel, in getting me upset. Otherwise, I'm living quite well.

But the degenerate embryo has left a void. It's an embryo-sized void, a tiny abyss. Enough to consume my attention when I let it. Maybe it'll close up in time to come. Perhaps it'll only heal when something replaces it. I really don't know. What if it opens to another, and another?

I dread trying again.

Reached a decision...

2006-05-29T17:53:00.000+08:00

That caring culture I stayed for is merely a skeleton now.
All they are interested in now is recruitment, not retainment.
Sure, the ship's stable and you don't need us so much anymore.
I regret coming over - this promised land is a sham - your sales pitch.
I'm going to throw that red letter on her table once I get everything ready.

I'm going to frame my own workload.
In the true sense of being self-employed.
Thank you for empowering me at least with this revelation.
I've started from peanuts before.
I'm in a much better situation today.

*A*N*G*R*Y*

P/S

2006-05-28T00:07:00.001+08:00

BTW I've to add this :

Stickbabe's Top List of 1 Insensitive Remark to Miscarried Women -

1) There.. Told you not to tell ppl too early that you're pregnant.

It's self-explanatory. Isn't it? Does anyone have duct tape around?

Short-lived

2006-05-27T23:23:00.000+08:00

Two days ago, I discovered I was bleeding. Friends and Stickman rushed me to a woman's clinic, where I await my turn in the midst of men and their pregnant wives in all shapes and sizes. I guess I was the only special case. I think I already knew that the baby was lost, but of course, being the first time, you'd never know what to expect. There was a flurry of activity around me. "Lie down" "Drink hot water" "I'll inform school for you tomorrow" ... then the gynae saw me, and he did a blood test but didn't really confirm what really happened.

The next day, I knew it was gone as the bleeding was heavy and painful. I was on bed most of the day. I couldn't answer calls and I am thankful for those who've been very concerned. I think I smsed enough people for them to tell each other. If I had to say "Miscarriage" to everyone who smsed and called, I may have developed some emotional problem by now. The clinic called to arrange another appointment. For a moment, we were both worried about it being ectopic. I tried to tell the nurse I already knew it was gone, so perhaps there was no need to go down, but she was a bit slow and I gave up trying.

At 630pm, the doctor saw us and confirmed what I knew and also explained the likely process. I think it was worth going to just get some questions answered - it really made me realise a child is so precious and difficult to form - which I probably would not have appreciated so much if I didn't have a miscarriage or perhaps it was two. I mean, you usually skip the sections on Anomalies and Miscarriages when you read pregnancy books. Well, unless something happened of course. Stickman must have been very bored and it was no fun going home to bed again. So I agreed to watch X-men after the consultation, which was pretty okay, except for my painful contractions.

I stayed at home again today. We informed our parents today and they responded quite immediately, loading us with chicken essence and bird's nest. My Stick nephews came too, which was a treat for me as I've not seen them for a while. I think my sis-in-law is really a model mum for me. I've been reflecting on my schedule too. Perhaps I've stretched myself out pretty thin and there're some things that I've to give up for motherhood. I can't load every waking hour with stuff to do. I'm really re-thinking my career too.

Anyway, I hope to never forget this when I've a child and am angry at him/her. I used to think of motherhood as a big sacrifice till I realise how intricate and wonderful each conception is, and I see God in all of this. So embryo, you better behave and form properly the next time!
http://www.visembryo.com/baby/

names

2006-05-24T15:02:00.000+08:00

I had a Seafood Platter for 2 in Fish & Co. yesterday! :) I'm not being nuts, eating for 2 so early, but I was with my sister. She had a good time talking and I had a good time eating.

The other day, I heard gunshots in Boon Lay MRT! So I went to peep at what's happening outside. I couldn't see the snipers, but crows / mynahs were dropping like nobody's business. Splat! I counted the shots vs dead mynahs. It was on average about 3:1. Some were headshots.

Preggy update :
(It's probably too early but...Elijah, Isaiah, Ethan, Elisa -.-
I still have not found a gynae because it's left up to Stickman and he's been so busy
I hope he reads this.)

on the warpath

2006-05-22T16:32:00.000+08:00

All the should-dos and must-dos are driving me crazy. I'm forming this list of things not to say to pregnant women who may look serenely calm but are boiling volcanoes inside.

Stickbabe's Top 5 list of stupid things not to say to pregnant women :

1. Is that why you're so moody recently? (how do you expect me to answer)
2. Soon, you'll feel like this and that... (said in a very annoying and knowing manner)
3. It's not wise to tell people so early, what if something bad happens?
4. Huh, you sure you're nauseous? So early? (stupid stupid comment, I shall puke in your face if I get a chance... )
5. Why you so tired? I also very tired what... (stupid stupid pig! it's different from normal tiredness)

[sometimes it's not just the words, but presumptious body language that gets me]

I've behaved exceptionally well by telling these people to read up on pregnancy books to understand my situation better. Still, there ought to be some island paradise where they run 9mth camps cum delivery for pregnant women, set amidst beautiful rolling pastures of fluffy white sheep. A glint of waterfall in the distant hills. And blue skies... and a helicopter pad where husbands, family and friends (who don't say stupid things) are flown in as and when needed.

I wish there were... and failing which, they could set up a jail for people who commit the sin of talking too much to pregnant women, irritating her and causing distress to her unborn child. Yes, and the jail term is 9mths. Nah, no caning needed. Maybe circumcision... hehehheh...

I hope I've been entertaining. I'm conveniently referred to as "that pregnant woman" now and have terrible mood swings. Am flushed with progesterone and oestrogen levels that are 150x of a non-pregnant woman. I can't wait for my Bali trip, and the last thing I need is for someone to tell me that I shouldn't take a plane at this stage.

**plugs her ears**

journal

2006-05-22T00:12:00.000+08:00

[preggy journal]

Hi! It's Day 3 after confirmation! I'm feeling a bit of cramps in the lower abdominal area. Stickman's sister has been a great help so far, and says it's completely normal as the uterus wall is strengthening. She's passed me a great book by Doctor Miriam Stoppard, which explains everything from the baby's point of view. A great book indeed. I was going, "That's what I felt!" all the way.

We're searching for a reliable gynae.. someone who is professional but also can emphatise with me. It's not been very smooth, even so early in the pregnancy. There's giddiness, loss of appetite, impatience and also nausea now and then. And the worse is fatigue. I'm terribly tired - the weariness masks my face.

--
Today, Ms Pokey and I finally spoke. And she thought my pregnancy was the cause of why I nearly ate her up last week. I merely smiled. I think it's an improvement.

MEGA POST

2006-05-20T20:51:00.000+08:00

I've uncountable mossie bites on me! As I'm typing with one hand, the other hand scratches 3 active mossie bites on my heels and toes. You know how itchy it gets when it's on those bony areas.

But! I'm not wasting precious time here talking about mossie bites. There're two things on my mind. One good, the other bad.

I always choose to hear the good news first. So let's dig at it.

1) Elijah Kang is coming, Jan/Feb 2007 (before CNY period nyak nyak nyak!)
Elijah is a boy's name, and the original Elijah(though he probably got his name from somewhere too) was a great prophet in the Bible. Stickman and I are very pleased with the ancient grand-sounding name (must drag the middle syllable), and we will try our best not to let it be a misnomer. Eg. Impatient Patience. So unless another idea comes by, or our baby turns out to be a girl (Elisa? Boo, what a letdown), we'll stick to this name.

90% it's a guy! That day when a great missionary was praying over all the bible school students, I went to the front. In my heart, I've Cambodia in my mind - esp. girls of the sex trade over there. I've had this desire even before I'm Christian, in my secondary school years when I read an article on girls rescued from the sex trade there. I wanted to become a missionary even before I knew what a missionary was. Well, indeed, I bumped into a long-lost friend recently and I was SHOCKED that she became a youth pastor. In our Secondary School O'level cohort, she was 2nd and I was the 4th (same results with the 5th person too). And she rose and became an architect while I languished in a ..... (nevermind). Well anyway, she quitted her job and became a youth pastor, and that's where she offered me and Stickman to go on a mission trip at the end of this year.

At present, I don't feel sent. So if I go to Cambodia, it'll be really be just an eye-opener. I'm not ready for the country. Moreover, God willing, I'll be 8 mths preggy then and probably an inconvenience.

Oh, back to why I mentioned missions and 90% chance of a boy. See, the first thing you know you're preggy is when you start becoming a windbag. Well, Stickman has predicted the sex of my Sticknephews before they were born - and turned out 100% accurate. Of course, he only had two attempts. So that day, as we were rejoicing over a positive-looking test kit, he 'felt' it'll be a boy. And I've been praying for one. That's not the only thing. When that great missionary from Sweden prayed for me, I didn't feel a thing! That's right! I didn't feel a thing and was in a foul mood because of someone I mentioned in an earlier posting, and possibly because I was preggy too.

So I didn't feel a thing and went grumpily back to my seat at the back of the big rectangular room. And I complained to God. In the midst of complaining, just like the first time God spoke directly to me, so I'd know it was not me, I heard, "You've received more than you think you did. Not only you, your child too, will go to the missions field."

So that day, before I tried the test kit, I knew I was pregnant. And I think missionaries are mostly boys. Perhaps I'm biased - He said it in such a way that I've no way of guessing. He could have said, "He will go to the missions field." but He said, "..., your child too..." And it's not wrong. If it had be "He will go.." I'd not know who He was referring to. Now I know it means my child. Are you confused? I am not surprised.

At this point, if I've spooked you out by talking about God and hearing from Him, I'm truly sorry! It is a nation that stresses religious harmony, and I'm happy to comply. But in nations where people have no medical care to turn to and are desperate to be healed, to be assured, miracles (Unusual Ones) ARE happening every second. I want to witness them personally one day instead of just hearing or reading about it.

Oh there's still the piece of bad news before I end...

The bad news is, I think that girl whom I nearly ate up the other day is afraid of talking to me now. And I'm quite sorry about it. I shall have to find a place in my heart to start talking to her. Sigh. Stupid temper.

Post-dated:
There's another piece of even-worse news. Regarding the above posting, God evidently didn't mean this child for the mission field. So he will provide another, I hope.

SIGHTING!

2006-05-19T23:24:00.000+08:00

I almost did a double-take. If my mom sees this, she'll flip.

I saw a online photo of a young artist who looks exactly like my brother!
The resemblance is so strong, that even Stickman was tricked.
My brother thought they looked alike!
But my sis is pro. She knows it's not him as "W is handsome'r"

Presenting Alan Leong (with car strap), my brother (pls ignore my sis) and my brother!

Grouchy

2006-05-18T23:49:00.000+08:00

Once, long ago, I read a storybook about a girl. She didn't come from a good background. And she had a younger brother to protect from the other children. To this end, she learnt how to fight. And she made sure she won her fights.

Then, I'll always remember this quote, as the other children cowered before her, she said, "The scariest part was not in knowing that you were afraid of them, but in knowing that they were afraid of you."

It doesn't make sense. But sense doesn't always have a part to play in feelings.

MA III

2006-05-18T02:29:00.000+08:00

Love your enemies?

It's Mission Abominable.

Not impossible, just abominable

But I've got to start somewhere.

I've got to start with you.

Else I can't get past you.

There's a whole world out there who will not change till they've experienced love.

Poop must come from some...where...

2006-05-15T01:56:00.000+08:00

Perhaps it feels like the onset of menses, signalling another failed attempt at Project Stickbaby. Bleah! That's why I'm feeling like I'm pooped on these few days.

Perhaps.

If not, then it's YOU! You who ask me excessive questions, and then without a pause, you answer the questions that you ask.

I ask, can anyone maintain a conversation with questions? Yet, you can. You run Q&A capably on your own. Your victim cringes and twitches uncomfortably, but you just don't get it. Sometimes, your victim shrivels and expires in front of you and you carry on with your probing, poking and your boring conversation topics, totally oblivious - even the mossies die.

I feel like I'm being pooped on. Especially when EVERYONE knows the story and then you have to ASK AGAIN, so that EVERYONE has to hear the story twice. TWICE! TWICE!!! MY GOD!

And you lend new meaning to the word 'persistent'. Could you not see that your requests wear people down? Yet I still hope you'd ask before you take. It was only $1.20 'fish food', but I rather you asked me first before you stick your fingers in my 'fish food', as if a "I've not eaten this for a long time!" counted as a request.

Perhaps I'm being unfair, as with another, I may be more generous. Perhaps it's because I can't take your calculative nature anymore, and I'm retaliating.

I can't be left alone with you! I'd commit murder in my mind. I'd have to see a shrink. I'd have to sign up for counselling. I have to ask God for more patience to deal with you. I wouldn't be able to pray with a clear conscience. You're getting to me!

Gosh! If I've to be a hypocrite before you, then I'll remove myself from you as much as I can. As much as I can. Arrrghhh!!!

if u were inanimate...

2006-05-14T01:20:00.000+08:00

If I were inanimate, what would I be?

My first choice would be a great mammoth of a mountain like the Himalayas.
- where I inspire people to reach great heights

My second choice would be clear, sparkling water.
- refreshing, reflecting

My third choice would be a loud and colourful handiplast.
- screaming everything'll be okay!

The photos on 11th May

2006-05-12T08:40:00.000+08:00

BOOM! (small smelly mushroom cloud)
and they all changed into red berets...

my brother

the empty parade square

Boyz to Men

2006-05-12T02:33:00.000+08:00

My brother is a commando. It's so important sounding - commando. The creme de la creme of NS. Well, I suppose so, since at the POP of commando training, there was much fanfare and suddenly the ordinary-looking platoon of trainees poofed into their red berets and became dangerous full-fledge commandos. We're told proudly by the emcee that they had gone through the most rigorous training NS has to offer and survived.

I'll get a photo of the platoon up as soon as I can. Was experimenting with Stickman's SLR manual camera settings, as a result most pics are blur... but still I caught the action I mentioned in the above paragraph, just as a tiny mushroom cloud emerged from behind the platoon for dramatic effect. It was a smelly cloud as the wind changed direction and the whole cloud made straight for the spectators' tentage, making us cough.

We later took bus 29 to Changi Village Food Centre, where we celebrated his 'manhood' with seafood and satay. Out of his commando uniform, he became my little brother again - 9 years my junior.

tea party?

2006-05-07T23:19:00.000+08:00

You really don't have to be a tai-tai to enjoy a good afternoon tea.

www.c-cup.biz

- hurts -

2006-05-07T01:49:00.000+08:00

Hurt #1 :

For weeks, I didn't know what to feel about my student's (or rather ex-student's) death. It seemed unreal. I felt that he's still alive in some corner of this island - living his life, or wasting it - well, it doesn't really matter. He is truly and clearly dead - I saw the last of him at his wake. No, the truth is I saw the last of him at the hospital (alive). I am going to write about it now because I want to remember him - and perhaps more than this, which I shall not attempt to analyse here.

It all began with a sms from one of my kids, who I share a relationship that resembled a friendship more than a student-teacher relationship. The next day, I went with this kid to visit TWL in NUH, and donated blood to his 'account'. All I knew was he had some unpronounceable blood disease and it was considered less detrimental than leukaemia. But he was in hospital for a month before they diagnosed his condition. And then, he was in ICU.

The ICU was a bright modern outfit. A small team of doctors were chatting away, oblivious to a drama unfolding in the middle of the room. Another person was in death throes, and his/her family was sobbing away. My student's mom chose to ignore the scene too, understandably. And my eyes rested on my student, who looked fine except for the dangling tubes that linked him to all the complicated-looking machinery around.

He had regained consciousness that day. His mom opened the glass door briefly and announced my arrival. He opened his eyes and waved at me in acknowledgement. I put on my brightest smile and gave him a thumbs-up! After a while, he closed his eyes. I said a silent prayer for him, and continued just staring at him.

He was a good-looking boy. I didn't remember him being so tall. He didn't want to continue studying, his mom said, and expressed her wish that he would continue to study after he recovered. In between talking to his mom, I noticed his eyes fluttering open now and then to glance at me, probably surprised by my visit. Probably surprised I still remembered him, as I had quitted and shook the dust off my platforms when I left that school in 2004. (If you're acquainted with the Holy Bible, you may know the implication of shaking the dust off shoes.)

Well, that's the wonderful impression of the last time I saw him alive.

A few days later, I was practising on my guitar when I realised I had a missed call. It was 2am. It can't be a good thing to receive his call at that hour. True enough, after another sms, I didn't sleep a wink for the rest of the night, haunted by that image of him waving weakly to me from his hospital bed. I had taught him for 4 years, being a N(A) specialist, and his class was special to me.

I went to school the next day, angry at God. Then I realised that I'd never understand how much it cost Him on His end. Then I went to the wake. Saw a few teary ex-kids. Had lunch with ex-colleague in Toa Payoh. Went home to collect my guitar. Then to cell group. Then home. Then back to life as normal. So normal it seems obscene - when someone has lost her only son.

Hurt #2 :

I don't really understand this second one. I should be really hurt. But I was happy instead. Because just last year, this person had blessed me tremendously - and contributed partly to who I am today. But this year things changed, and suddenly I lost a very dear, special relationship with this person. But the blessing remained with me. I should be really, really hurt. And people keep thinking we still have that special relationship.

Instead another person has taken over. And this is why I'm happier. This one surpasses the former in both form and annointing. And I'm becoming a person that doesn't look back to old things. I'm indeed quite thankful for the 'breakup message', for there would not have been a second person if not for the departure of the first. I'm not too sure if it's a backlash kinda thing. But bitterness is something I did not feel.

* I'm not referring to Stickman, my Honeybug. He's always dear, although I'm not on talking terms with him tonight. And it's not an extra-marital affair bleah... well, not in the conventional sense... *

sometimes i feel like closing this blog

2006-05-05T00:28:00.000+08:00

that's when lots have happened but i've no time to blog about it.
so when so many days have flashed by, it seems pointless to dig at the past.

i'm just enjoying everyday as it unfolds - God's wonderful plan for me.

The Art of Flirting

2006-04-28T16:02:00.000+08:00

Recently I watched "The art of flirting", a local production that's part of the Int'l Film Festival. I don't really support local films or movies, though I wish I am more appreciative about this art form. I don't cringe, I just am indifferent.

The reason why I went was more out of curiosity as my friend acted in it. She was an ex-colleague who went on to become a radio presenter and has acted in a few short films. She sent me two tickets, before I could bleat that I had not much appreciation for "these kinda things".

So I dragged another friend along, and was pleasantly surprised that the whole auditorium in National Museum was FULL of these arty-farty people. I must say that she and her co-star acted really well. The director had only $300 budget, so the whole show was shot from a voyeuristic viewpoint. Presumably you can explain off the jerks and scratchy sounds by saying it's meant to be voyeuristic. Ha... budget really makes one more innovative.

It set me thinking about relationships and the bull-shit that guys say when they meet a girl they'd like to date. I think the role fitted my friend like a glove. Unfortunately, someone had to question her deep american drawl. Well, listen to WKRZ 91.3 at 5.30pm and you'll hear this budding actress on air. And trust me, you'd be mesmerised.

a short update of the days past

2006-04-26T17:49:00.000+08:00

a wake, a haircut and a health screen.

Today's Resurrection Sunday

2006-04-16T23:28:00.000+08:00

Thank God! My mom has accepted Christ in during the Easter service today. Both my parents decided to turn up for Easter service today out of the blue, and they almost didn't make it because of a tiny hiccup in transport.

I know for sure she knows what it means to walk down the aisle to let Pastor pray for her. "Today," I told her, "you can pray directly to this God you accepted."

I know my mom had been touched during the past few times in church, but she refused to step out to accept God. She didn't want to go to church either because she wanted my dad to make the decision for her. So I know that today's decision was not easy for her to make alone. It's a decision everyone has to make alone - one that's forced does not count.

I used to think that Christianity is for weaklings, or for that matter, any religion is for weaklings because we're not strong enough ourselves to take charge of our own lives. Now I know that a life without God is not a worthy life at all. For death overtakes us all one day, and the so-called strength of self-made men is but pride. And if I were to choose a God, I'll choose one that is alive, strong and mighty, and not an airy fairy philosophy that we get goosebumps over.

I came across a very interesting thought experiment on the topic of death during my training session to be a volunteer at an organisation that I'll not mention here.

The social worker told us to think about loss and what it means to us.
See if you survive this.

After each loss, you are to ponder for a while how you'd feel about the loss before going on to the next. Make sure you're really experiencing the loss before you move on to the next. Take your time.

1. You lose a fingernail on your last finger.

2. You lose your last finger.

3. You lose your thumb.

4. You lose your arm.

5. You lose all your limbs.

6. You lose your hair.

7. You lose your eyesight.

8. You lose all your senses.

9. You lose your whole body - death.

That's as close to the feeling of death as you can get. I think after this, we can emphatise more with our patients as to what they are going through and not say things like, "I know what you're going through..."

In fact, everyone needs constant reminders like these to make us realise that our time here is precious. Very precious. Get people around you out of depression.

my new ovation guitar

2006-04-15T00:45:00.000+08:00

My good friend's prospective boyfriend helped me choose a great value-for-money OVATION guitar yesterday! It's sleek and black, and should have cost me $449 but I got it at $249. Great value indeed! I should play like a pro now!

At 12 midnight, Stickbabe will wake all the neighbours with her loud playing MUAHAHAHA!

In any case, Stickman starts shutting all the windows and our balcony door the moment I start plucking. It's VERY offensive to me, but it keeps the cops away.

Alright, time to get on with Project Stickbaby.

But before that, let me congratulate my dearest ex-colleague who's going to get her BIG DIAMOND RING soon! You know who you are, Rebond girl!